There was a discussion on a forum yesterday that got me thinking. The poster had recently lost her Dominant when he was killed in a fatal car accident. The suddenness of his death left her unprepared to deal with many things that would have to do with his passing. The post on the forum, though, was more along the lines of what to do with anything that relates tot he lifestyle, after everything else is taken care of. She was wondering who should remove her collar, when, if it was a betrayal to her Dom to remove it and move on, if he would want her to move on, what to do with things like his MDS account (she did not have the password), or "kinky email" accounts, books, pictures, journals, toys, videos, letters, and other things of that nature. Things that she alone would need to deal with. A lot of advice was given to her, some of it good, some of it trying to be compassionate, some trying to "one size fits all" the situation. When, in truth, this is a very personal situation and a very delicate thing to try to dispense advice about.
This got me thinking, though. Master's job can be quite dangerous. He is, most days, at the mercy of other drivers who may not know how to drive around a vehicle like His. What would I do if, years from now, I were to loose Him for some reason? No one wants to think about this kind of thing, but I was. Thanks MDS.
Some of the suggestions that were made on the forum made a lot of sense. In the event that I am the first of us to pass, there is an envelope in our safe at home that is marked that it is only to be opened upon my death if I precede Master. There are a few things in the envelope. The first is a list of internet accounts, blogs, profiles, websites, forums, etc... where I have an account He would need to close out if I were to pass before Him. There is also a list of different lifestyle things (toys, books, dvds, writings, etc) and what I would like Master to do with them. I have also included a love letter of sorts to Master, which I hope will be able to help Him move on and gain some closure if I were to pass before Him. I also included a private letter to my bff asking her to be there for my Master and for she and her Husband to support Master however He may need, also I ask her to be sure Master's collar is somewhere on my body when I am burried. This I plan to update every year.
I would face some of those same dilemas the submissive who wrote the original post did. Especially if Master's death comes many many many years from now (which I hope and pray is the case, since I do not plan on burrying Master any time soon, not until we have a few grandkids, lol). But simple things like what to do with any lifestyle impliments He may gather by then or if I should close His internet accounts, who, if anyone, would remove His collar from me if and when I was ever ready to move on. I know there are several people Master would not want to do this, and I can think of one or two He would be okay with doing this, particularly my bff's Sir, since He respects Him and trusts Him. Would it be a betrayal to Him if I removed my wedding band? If we progress further in the lifestyle and continue with it, would it be more of a betrayal to remove the wedding band or His collar?
In many ways I am lucky. Master does not give me directions in my day to day running of the house (i.e. how to wear my hair, what to eat, how to dress, etc...) I do know what He prefers, but He does not say it has to be so (who knows, in the future He may, lol), so I would not be as lost as others would be.
On the flip side, though, what would Master feel if I were to go before Him? I have heard of Dominants who, upon the passing of their submissive, finally understood how much their submissives do for them. One related a story that he did not even realize his sub had made coffee for him every morning until he attempted to make it himself the morning of her funeral and did not know how many scoops to put into the coffee pot.
I know that because of our current situation, Master and I can not depend on one another for the day to day things such as making Him dinner every night or a bed time snuggle, but that will not always be the case
From a cross representing one's faith to a skull and cross bones representing poison (and pirates PG, lol), the world around us is filled with symbols. Some, only members of a certain group would even notice, let alone understand, others, most people will recognize and understand. The same goes with and lifestyle one may lead. Here are some questions I have gotten recently about different symbolic items in relationships.
I want to forgo wedding bands, but my fiance says she wants them. Is this a girl thing? Or do the wedding bands actually symbolize something?
Yes, wedding bands do symbolize something. A wedding band is round, which symbolizes the never ending love you pledge to one another when you get married.
What does this mean: ?
The altered yin-yang is an international symbol of the BDSM community. It has many different meanings to many different people. The most common is Safe, Sane and Consensual. Without one of those three, the circle is broken. It can also mean Service, Loyalty, Obedience which are three creeds of the submissive. Some also take it to mean all four parts of the submissive the Dominant "commands" (for lack of a better word) Heart, Mind, Body and Soul or that the Dominant is in the submissive's Heart, Mind and Soul at all times. Whatever meaning one associates with the altered yin-yang, if one part is missing, the circle is broken, and it is no longer a complete relationship.
What does the placing of a collar on a submissive mean? Can the collar be replaced by anything else?
The giving and wearing of a collar is symbolic of the commitment in an alternative relationship. It marks ownership, love, respect, service, obedience, etc in the relationship. The collar, when closed, is a never ending circle, again, like the wedding band, signifying the never ending circle of the relationship. A collar can come in many forms. Most submissives will still wear a traditional collar when in private or a D/s friendly gathering. Most will be plain, with fancy ones being saved for special occasions, and harsher ones being saved for disciplinary purposed (*g*). Some people in more conservative parts of the world or who have careers where the wearing of an actual collar would cause distress in the workplace will wear a simple necklace with a pendent or a bracelet or wristband made of leather that buckles. Others will wear a toe ring or a ring on their right hand ring finger. These all symbolize the collar and the relationship.
In closing, let me say, the choice of item to symbolize your relationships is a personal one. One that should be made by both partners, together. While everyone will recognize a wedding band to mean you are in a committed relationship, not all will know what that necklace you are wearing means or the wristband you suddenly have buckled onto your wrist.
That is all for now. Until next time, please, remember, to keep it
XXX
~Missy
There are many myths about natural family planning and how effective it is. I get several questions a month about how to use a woman's natural cycle to plan or prevent a pregnancy.
"the lady at my job insists that you can only get pregnant 3 days out of your cycle, and when u are about to get it again (25 days after ur last one ends) you can have 'freebies' IS THIS TRUE?"
For MOST women, they are only fertile three or four days a cycle, when they ovulate, that is not to say, though, that you are gaurenteed "freebies" The best way to know when you are fertile is to track your basil body temp by taking your temp before you get out of bed, first thing in the mornign, same time every morning, with a BBT thermometer (the drug store will know what you are talking about) and chart it, when your temp spikes, then you are past ovulation, and two days later you should be ok for sex without concieving, but it is NOT a definate, as every woman is different. But, yes, she is right, if you know your cycle well enough and it is regular, natural family planning can be used to either prevent or cause a pregnancy (not 100% though) Still use a condom or an oral birth control pill (or other form of other contraceptive) to be safe. NFP along with condom use can be 100% effective by avoiding sex on your fertile days. Hope this helps, she is right to an extent, but every woman is different, while she may not be fertile 3 or 4 days before her period is supposed to start, you may not be fertile 1 week before yours, you just have to plan and watch your cycle for a few months....
This is an official notice that I will repost from time to time... This blog, while an advice-type blog, carries the following advisories:
1) ADULT CONTENT. Although I will answer almost any relationship questions, it is mostly adult/sexual content. Including, but not limited to, strong language, sexual terms, slang terms, and biological terminology.
2) I am an amateur with no formal certification as a sex therapist or relationship counselor.
3) This blog does not constitute medical advice, and should not be used to replace proper treatment or diagnosis of sexually transmitted diseases or sexual dysfunction.
4) As always, please consult your doctor to be sure you are healthy enough for sexual activity if you have a health condition.
5) As always, when participating in alternative lifestyles, please remember to keep things safe, sane and consensual.
Neither TBlog nor myself hold any responsibility legally or physically for minors reading this blog or for the result of any play that occurs after reading this blog. You have been warned.
Parents, if your minor child reads this blog, do not blame me for putting it out there, blame yourself for not monitoring what your children do on the internet.
It seems that even the most educated people forget about communication within their own relationships. One of the most important aspects in any relationship is communication. Be it about what both parties would like to eat or buying one house or the other, or the lines that will not be crossed in bed. Even a parent/child relationship demands constant communication to flourish properly. Ask almost any couple that has been happily married for many years what they think the key to the relationship is, and 9 times out of 10 they will tell you communication is one of the keys to maintaining their relationship. Today, I bring you several questions from my inbox that have to do with communication between partners. What does my boyfriend mean by "Cock Worship"?
"Cock worship" is a phrase that means, basically, extensive play with a male's genitals. A lot of oral sex, playing with his testicles, stroking his penis, things of that nature. Some even include the cleaning and/or shaving of the male's genitals by his partner as "cock worship." In general, though, it is orally pleasuring his genitals for an extended amount of time. While we were in bed last night, in the heat of the moment, my husband called me his cock whore. What does that mean? Is he fantasizing about being with a paid prostitute while we are having sex? I don't know how I feel about him calling me that, should I speak up or just let it slide unless it happens again?
No, your husband is not thinking about being with a paid prostitute. "Cock whore" is just a term men use at times to mean he thinks you are doing a wonderful job in bed, It also means you are showing him you can't get enough of him. It is a compliment. But, if it does bother you at all, knowing what he was meaning it to be, talk to him. Do so outside of sex. Talk to him while you are both relaxed and alone, but not having sex, and not while you are in bed. He may not even know he said it if it was a spur-of-the-moment and in the heat of passion. Again, he was not thinking of a paid prostitute, but thinking of how much you were showing him you want him and can't get enough of him, meaning he is then unable to get enough ov you. Many women do not like terms like cock whore, but your husband will never know if you do not talk to him about it. Men are not mind readers and you can not get angry if you do not tell him it bothers you and he continues to use it.
If someone you are in an intimate relationship with says something or uses a phrase you are unsure of, either the meaning or if you are ok with the phrase, talk to your partner. Many sexual phrases mean different things to different groups of people, so the only way one can be sure of the way your partner means when they say something is to ask him or her what they were meaning later and discuss how you feel about the use of said phrases.
Thank is all for now.... Until next time, remember, no matter what kind of sexual activity you may pursue, keep it safe, sane and consensual.
*g*
~Missy
Everything is effected by human biology. From the size of a man's penis to when a woman wants to have more sex, it is all rooted in human biology. Here are some of the most common biology questions I am asked. My boyfriend is very shy about having sex. He thinks he has a small penis. He is African American, 5'8" tall, and his penis is only 6 1/2 inches at full erection. Is he right that he is small?
It seems that your boyfriend's psyche has fallen prey to typical society stereotypes. Race has nothing to do with penis size, it is simply body size and proportions. An average male of average height (between 5'6" and 5'10") will have an average penis size of 6 to 7 1/2 inches at full erection. So, your boyfriend's penis size is normal, not small. If he would like to give himself the appearance or a bigger penis, some men find that shaving the pubic area gives the visual of a larger penis.
Is there a reason I seem to want sex more about a week and a half to two weeks before my period is due?
In a word, yes. Your hormones will make you want to have sex more around the time you are most fertile. Your hormones will make sex more easy to facilitate with your cervical mucus being ripe for transporting sperm to your egg and make it easier for your vagina to lubricate to allow penetration.
My girlfriend does not have a clit. Can she still orgasm if I rub her labia?
Has a doctor told her she does not have a clit? If not, then she does have one. It may be small, it may be shy, or she may have a large hood that is preventing you from finding it. A little patience, a little luck, and a little extra attention may be able to coax her clit out of hiding. If, in fact, her doctor has confirmed the absence of a clit because of defect or illness, she can still orgasm through external stimulation of her labia or through g-spot stimulation.
Remember, many things come down to your biology. Sex has a purpose and a function, and the human body was made to facilitate carrying out that function. The main purpose of sex is to continue the human race. It is because of that that our bodies send us signals when it is the right time.
One key to a healthy love life is to take care of yourself, and no, I don't mean masturbation, lol.... Every person needs to have a little time set aside to spoil them self. Personally, I have an hour set aside once a week where I focus on myself and only myself. It is a quiet time for me to focus on myself and things I enjoy.
I have a small back pack style bag I keep my pamper me stuff in. So, here is a challenge for all you who read this blog.... Go grab a small back pack, tote bag, extra tupperware, large purse, anything that you have that you are not using. Now, after you clean it out, go grab 5 things that you enjoy, that would be considered pampering yourself to use. Put them in the bag. Add more things as you broaden your pampering sessions... So, what have you put in your pampering kit?
Me? I have a little mini bottle of a really kick-ass vanilla smelling hand lotion, different nail polish colors, a few Chicken Soup for the Soul books, a pretty purple pen and cute notebook I use as a journal, a manicure kit, a mini travel size peppermint foot lotion. I keep the bag on top of my conair foot bath thing, which I try to use every other time I pamper myself......
I have had ovr a year to put my pamper myself kit together, so don't worry if mine seems more in depth then yours does. When you put yours together, let me know what is in it...
I am often asked how to give the perfect blow job. Well, while it is not the same for everyone, here is the answer to how to give a better blow job. This question comes from a woman who was told she needs to improve her skills by her husband... This is quite embarrassing, my husband has told me that I don't give very good blow jobs. Are there any tips you can offer?
Well, while I do give a good blow job (my Husband has no complaints, lol) I will have to defer to my BFF on this one. It is common knowledge between my BFF, myself and our Sirs that her Sir is luckier then mine since she does give a better blow job, lol. Here are her tips to a better blow job:
- Don't just go up and down, provide varying amounts of suction and speeds
- Use your tongue, you can move your tongue around while he's in your mouth, if you need to, think of it like a tasty lollipop
- Men always enjoy deep throating, if you can't do this without gagging, try to make sure you don't stick your tongue out while trying to get him as far as possible. There is a spray that you can buy that numbs the back of your throat if you want to use that instead. The main key is to stay relaxed, if you feel yourself starting to gag, just move him back a little bit for a moment, that sensation will then pass.
- The most important thing to remember is that if you enjoy what you're doing, the rest will come naturally.
- Let him direct you completely, leave your mouth as relaxed as possible and have him control the speed, movement and such by directing your head.
- Some other fun things: Altoids, turn the lights off, get a mint altoid, bite down on it (you'll see blue sparks if the lights are off) chew it into a bit of a paste and then go down on him. If you blow air lightly onto the penis after using the altoids for a moment or too, it's makes it really sensitive and the guy should LOVE it. Also, get a mouthful of skittles (not too many), the texture is cool for him, and the flavor is great for you!
- Try the stuff like Great Head or other flavored lubricants on the market, they make it more fun
I also would like to add that if you are unsure of what he may or may not like, ask him. I hope this can help the women out there whoa re unsure of their technique. The tips do work, lol, I know my Sir is thankful to my bff that she has given them to me, lol.
There is an old saying, "Let go of my ears, I know what I am doing." Well, if one is unsure of the way to perform oral sex on one's partner, then tell him "Hold my ears and help me; I am unsure of what I am doing." Good Luck!
Family. It is one thing we all have and one thing that can drive us nuts at times. But when it comes to sexuality and the involvement of family, the water can be murky. Here are some recent questions I have gotten about family matters... My Husband and I are active in a D/s relationship and have only been living this lifestyle for about a year. Our 7-year-old is starting to notice that things are different in out home then in his friends' homes. How can/should this be handled? My Husband thinks we should ignore it and I think He needs to talk to our son, both as his father and as my Dom.
Who takes which role in your relationship is irrelevant. This is a situation every couple with children may need to deal with when their sexual lives cross into their every day lives as often as a D/s relationship may. My bff and her Sir just had to deal with this. They spoke to their son together and explained, in age appropriate terms and information that this was how they expressed their love for each other, and that not everyone was this way. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is not done by everyone. They also made sure that he knew that not all women were like his mother. And if he wanted this for himself when he was older, he would have to find a willing female and not one he would be forcing into the way of life and the relationship. Above all else, though, your son should be made to realize that your relationship is a loving one and that there is no force involved, that either of you can put a stop to lifestyle participation at any time. My teenage daughter and her boyfriend are starting to show outward signs of a relationship I do not think I approve of. She acts very subservient to him and I have heard her call him Master and Sir. I have noticed these words in your answers to some people and in some of your other entries. Does this mean they are in an alternative relationship? Should I be concerned because they are so young?
This is a good question, with a simple answer. You should not be concerned if there are no signs of physical or verbal abuse. It is a tough situation, because if there is no abuse and you try to show her you disapprove of this relationship, then you may push her away to the point where she will not come to you if she is in a dangerous situation. If it is something as simple as a Dom/sub relationship, then you need not worry, these relationships are every bit as loving as your's. Teenagers are just trying to find themselves and trying to see what they like and don't like. Chances are, this is just a phase for now, but that is not a gaurentee, but you do not want to push her away from you by saying you do not like her relationship because you may be scared of the turn it may be taking. Instead tell her to be careful and safe and tell her that if there is a question she does not feel she can ask you she can come here, this is a safe place to ask anything she may want to know, and if I can't provide an answer, I can certainly point her in the right direction to find what she may need.
We, as parents, often would wish to remain blind, deaf, and dumb to our children's sexual activities, but as grandchildren are brought into the world, parents are forced to accept that their children are no longer virgins. We should accept our children for who they are and what kind of relationships they may be in. Just as they accepted your relationships, no matter how embarrassed they may have been by them. On the same note, in this day of internet and TV, we need to be more open and honest with our children. This is not the day of Ozzy and Harriet, sex is everywhere, even SpongeBob is rife with sexual undertones. So, be open and honest with your children, it will make them much better people in the future.
Good morning readers! This is going to be an entry about something I have been thinking of and pondering for quite some time, lol, so, If you have come here to see if I have answered your question, or if I am giving advice or tips on the newest awesome position, then you will have to check back later..... For those of you who are still reading, then here is a little something I have been pondering. And the answers I have been able to come up with.
Does spirituality have anything to do with sexuality? Does one set of spiritual beliefs lend itself more to one certain sexuality. And by sexuality I am not just talking gay, straight, bisexual, trans gender. I mean the whole kit and caboodle, sexual preference, kink, vanilla, fetishist, even the type of person one may be attracted to.
And by spirituality I don't just mean Catholic, Baptist, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist (yes, Atheists have a spirituality, you have to believe there is something out there to not believe in, right? lol)but more along the lines of any kind of Faith, path to enlightenment, belief in a higher power, faith in humanity in general, a belief in oneself, are all part of spirituality.
Does spirituality effect sexuality? Yes. Does sexuality also effect spirituality? Why, yes, again. I was raised in a Catholic family in a suburb of NYC, all of my friends were Catholic, all of my sisters friends were Catholic. It wasn't until High School that I started to notice how many people were not Catholic. Back then, I only knew spirituality to be one's religious beliefs. I thought I would fall in love and marry a nice Catholic boy, preferably Italian, get married in the same church we had been attending since we were little, and not have sex until we were ready for children, which would be right away, but, it didn't matter because sex was not fun anyway, it was only a means to an end in order to procreate. Something like this: (come on, I needed to add a little humor to this serious blog, lol....) The type of boy I used to day dream about fit the typical Staten Island Catholic dream man, Dark hair, olive skin, Catholic, with a city job. How typical, lol....
It wasn't until I entered High School and really started to date that I was introduced to something different, something new. I started to question the beliefs I had been raised with and the wisdom of a private, sheltered educational experience where I was not exposed to differing ideas and people until I was in high school. While questioning these beliefs and society structures, I don't think I dated a single fellow Catholic. I found myself, in rebellion against what I was exposed to in school, attracted to the bad boy type, the type that was no good for me. In an act of complete rebellion, or so I thought at that point, I found myself drawn to the alternative side of life. More specifically, Kink, Fetish, Bondage, SM... All the things that were the complete opposite of what I was raised to believe sex should be.
When I met my Husband, I knew that I really did like these forbidden pleasures, and it was not just rebellion. My faith had shifted, I was no longer a Catholic as I was raised. I am still spiritual, but I am no longer a practicing Catholic. Did my spirituality help shape my sexuality and what attracted me and what I was turned on by? Yes it did. Did my Catholic upbringing help shape my adult marriage and sexual relationship? In more ways then one would expect, yes.
Did my Catholic upbringing lead me to the path I took? Sure. Did my spirituality now, as an adult, shape my relationship? Yes. I reconciled within myself my faith and beliefs in God while still being comfortable enough with my faith and spirituality to be able to accept that I enjoy living an alternative lifestyle. I don't think that, personally, I could have the trust I would need to instill in my Husband to have given Him all of me, all of who and what I am, as His in the way that I have without the faith in a higher power I have. I also don't think that if He did not have the faith and beliefs He has in a higher power He would have been willing to accept the responsibility of what I was giving Him.
His ownership of me was given willingly, with the utmost trust and love, and He has accepted with the same terms and we are both still very spiritual people, both have a strong faith in God and can see His work in everything. Neither of us have remained with the religion of our upbringing, but we have moved on and found a spiritual path that is right for us and right for our lifestyle. In that way, my sexuality shaped my spirituality, when in the begining, yes, my spirituality shaped my sexuality....
You don't become best friends with my BFF without listening to the Dave Matthews Band. In fact, she took me to my first real concert ever on July 4, 2006 in Virginia Beach, VA, and it was to see DMB play. Last night, I was sad to learn that LeRoi Moore, the band's sax player, among other instruments, and one of the founding members of the band, passed away yesterday at the age of 46. If it were not for my bff's influence, I would never have discovered the wonderful music of DMB or learned so much of the story behind the members. LeRoi was known for wearing dark sunglasses to many of the outdoor concerts. He was a wonderful musician and amazing arranger for the band.
http://www.dmband.com/
"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet"
Ever since Juliet uttered this statement from her balcony in Verona, people have been asking this question. In Shakespeare's play, it was the last names of these teenagers that kept their relationship a secret. In today's society, it can be a simple phrase or word used by one of the people in the relationship that forces aspects of said relationship into secrecy. Here are some questions I have gotten reguarding names or phrases.
What does "Vanilla" mean?
Vanilla is a term commonly used to refer to non-kinky sex. Or a couple who engages in only non-kinky sex.
What is the difference between a submissive and a slave in reguards to BDSM? How do I know if I am a submissive and a slave? My boyfriend has said in the past that he "owns" me, does this mean he has mistaken my submission and thinks of me as his slave instead of submissive without me being sure?
Yes, there is a difference between a submissive and a slave in the world of BDSM. I submissive has the freedom to speak his or her mind when they feel it is right to do so. A submissive has free will. For the most part, a slave does not. The Dom in a Master/slave relationship does all the thinking for the slave, tells them how to feel, and what to do every minute of every day. In many cases, although not all, a slave will not have a job of their own, but not all. As far as your boyfriend saying he owns you. This does not mean he thinks of you as his slave. My Husband says He owns me, and I fully accept this fact and agree that I am owned by Him. This does not, however, mean I am His slave. We have equal say in all things, He knows I am a person with my own mind and beliefs, and I will speak them. I do so in the respectful way due to Him. As far as knowing which you are, that will come in time as you learn more about yourself and your relationship. Good luck!
I am just starting to explore the world of D/s relationships. One thing I am unsure of is probably the smallest thing in the D/s world. I have heard of so many different words/phrases used to refer to different people. Is there a standard word or phrase used by people to refer to one another? Does a submissive have to refer to another person's Dom the same way they refer to their own or the way the Dom's submissive refers to him/her? What about the Dom referring to the submissive?
There is not one specific name used by people to refer to their roles in the D/s world. It is whatever feels natural/comfortable for you and your partner. As far as what one person would call another sub's Dom, that is up to how well you know them, their relationship status, and how the Dominant in your relationship feels. Same thing goes for a Dom with another person's submissive. Let me give you an example. My bff and I knew each other before either of us really became involved in D/s relationships with our husbands. Since we knew one another before hand, our husbands have both said that I do not need to call her husband Sir or anything of that sort, and that she does not need to call mine Sir either. As long as we treat Them with the respect that they should have as our bff's Dom. It all depends on your situation. Same goes with how They refer to us.
When I recieved this question, my bff and I got together and came up with a short list of different names used by people involved in BDSM. This list is by no means all inclusive, it is just a general idea. Please feel free to comment and add any names any one else may think of. It is alot harder to think of names for a Dominant then a submissive, lol. First the Dominant's names: Master and Mistress (the classics), Lord so-and-so, Lady so-and-so, Sir, Ma'am, Madam, Owner. The list is short but sweet. If anyone has anything else they want to add to this one, your help is welcome.
Now, the list of names for a sumissive: little one, imp, pet, baby doll, baby boy, baby girl, young one, tiny, prescious, slave, puppy/kitten/pony, the various versions of whore and slut. This list is longer, but still not all inclusive.
That is all for now. Remember, the safest sex is no sex, but if you do engage in any kind of intercourse, please remember the phrase safe, sane and consensual.
~Missy
Because I am so open about what I like and what goes on in both my mind and my bedroom in the realm of sex, it is no secret that I am what many would consider "kink friendly" so many of my questions I get do revolve around "alternative" lifestyles. I wanted to take a few paragraphs of my little corner of TBlog to answer some of those questions for you all now. So, without further delay, here are a few that I have recieved in the last few weeks. (Side note, please excuse any type-o's, I am not on my normal computer and this one does not have a spell check, lol, [how will I ever live without spell check? lol]) I feel very at odds. I was raised in a very conservative town in a very conservative family. I am in a very loving and happy relationship and we enjoy BDSM style sex. My boyfriend and I like it, but feel wrong and bad for feeling that we are hiding something from our families when we are not open and honest about what is quickly becoming a large part of our private lives. We feel that we should not hide this facet of ourselves from our families, but we also feel they would reject us, disown us, and even try to tell me he is abusive because I like him to tie me up and paddle me. Help!
This is an age old issue for young couples who are unsure of who they should trust with their secret. Should I come out of the toy box to my family or not? Many people of all generations think of kink as a four-letter-word. It is not. Are you and your boyfriend happy? Is he taking advantage of you or doing things you do not want him to do? Does he respect you? Do you respect him? Do you cross his lines or he yours? If you feel good about your answers to these questions, then what you are doing is not wrong. As my husband and his sisters got older, his mother adopted a saying that applies here. "Ignorance is bliss in many things." She does not know anything about what goes on in my bedroom. Do my husband and I feel like we are hiding anything from her? No. What would be gained by telling your family your secret? Nothing good from the sound of it. Many couples who engage in BDSM sex go their entire life together without telling their families. If you do choose to come out of the proverbial toy box, be ready for the consequences from your families. If you are just looking for someone who you feel you can talk to about your life choice and your sexual desires, try finding a local SM club or support group. Also you can join any number of SM groups on the internet. They are around for all sorts of "roles" in the SM world. Good Luck!
The world of kinky sex is wonderful, though not for everyone. Be careful who you may reveal your desires to, they may come right back up and bite you in the behind, and not in the good way. *wink* Until next time, remember, the safest sex is no sex, but if you do not practice that, then remember to always keep it safe, sane and consensual.
*g*
~Missy
The first question I got in my inbox today was a doozie. It was from a reader in her mid 30's who recently had an argument with her partner. My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot lately. We have been together for almost a year and I want to meet her family, but she won't introduce me to them becasue they do not know she is a lesbian. How do I tell her to choose between telling them about us and not being together? Is that fair of me to ask her to do?
This is a very good question. And it brings up an interesting issue. If your girlfriend is arguing with you that she does not want to introduce you to her family because she has not told them she is a lesbian, that may be because she does not think they will accept her sexuality. She would know how best to handle her family. If you can act like you are platonic friends and nothing more in front of her family, then she should at least introduce you to them as a friend. If she is, on the other hand, "out" to her family and has not introduced you to them after a year together, then there may be a problem. It is never really a good idea to ask a lover to make a choice between you or their family. Someone will almost always inevitable get hurt, usually the person making the choice as well as, more often then not, the one forcing the choice to be made. Hang in there, hopefully things will get better and your partner will feel she can be open and honest with her family.
More next time. Until then, please remember that the safest sex is no sex, but if you must, use a condom and always remember to keep it safe, sane and consensual.
~Missy
Without a doubt, one of the top questions I am asked by people is a variation on the "What does he really mean?" There is a joke going around the internet that has a list of things people say and for a man, it will alternate between meaning I want sex, I want food/beer, I want some sporting event (depending on the season), or I want to sex with your sister/best friend/co-worker. That is not true. What a man really means when he says certain things is simple. It is not really like the magazines we women read would have us think. It seems that women's magazines try to assign hidden meaning to different things to create a problem, thus selling more magazines when they run an article with a magical solution to a problem you never had in the first place. Men, unlike women, for the most part, are not subtle creatures. They will not hint around at what they really mean, They will not disguise what they want to say by saying something else. Men, for the most part, say what they mean and mean what they say. There is no deep meaning behind him saying "I would like to visit my mother this weekend, her birthday is Friday." No, he is not really telling you "I have not left my mother's apron strings. I'm a mamma's boy, and if I have to choose between love and my mother, I will choose her." He is simply saying he wants to be kind to his mother and stop by to visit her for her birthday.The only thing vialed in that statement, in fact, would be a prompt for you to ask if he would like you to join him.Men do not generally make an effort to add a hidden meaning behind their statements. That is it, The end. He will not care what you read in Cosmo about what he really means when he says he wants to go out with the guys and how it is supposed to mean you are suffocating him and he needs space. No, he is simply going out with the guys for a while, just like you sometimes go out with just the girls.
Another one I got recently that piqued my interest was from a woman who is in her early 20's and until recently, had never orgasmed. She asked,
"I have just had my first orgasm ever. I have had others try to give me one, but they have never succeeded. Now, this new man comes in and can do something that not even I have been able to do for myself. I have heard from some women that it is easier to have an orgasm with oral sex. I have heard the orgasm is more intense also. Is this true? Is it easier to orgasm through oral? I am a little frightened of the fact that he was able to make me orgasm so strongly with just light rubbing on my clit."
There is nothing to be frightened of. As long as there is nothing physically wrong with your sex organs, revel in a lover who can make you orgasm so quickly, Learn from him. He might be able to teach you a trick or two about how he was able to get you to orgasm so well, tricks you might not have thought about yourself. I wonder, if you now know you can physically orgasm, why you have never been able to reach climax on your own. If you have been able to bring yourself to orgasm since this happened, then one can assume that you just were unsure of the technique and now you have found one that works. As far as oral goes. Many women have said to me that they orgasm quicker, harder, and longer with oral sex then with anything else. So as far as the general female population, from the women I know, including yours truly, I would have to agree with this statement. As long as the partner who is performing the oral does not act like it is a chore and like they dislike the act of giving oral sex, it should be an enjoyable experience for you, and yes, you may have a stronger, more intense orgasm sooner. But, that just means you will have more time for your partner to give you more then one climax!
Before I go today, I want to remind you, the safest sex is no sex, but if you are going to be having sex, then be smart and safe. And remember, vanilla or kinky, always keep it .
More next time.
*g*
~Missy
Well, after I take care of the fact that it will be time to dip into the and see what we get.
Usually I will answer questions in private one-on-one emails if I am given an email address to reply to in the TMail, and quite a number of people have asked questions in the past. Every so often, though, I will answer one that I think others may or may not benefit from, or that may spark other questions from other people. The blogs answering emails will have a different look to them then they normally do. Remember, I am in no means a professional. I will answer emails and questions, but I can only answer them from teh point of view of a woman who has some degree of experience, who has read many many many books about human sexuality and the physiology, psychology, and reproductive aspects of sex. I do hope, someday, to go to school and become an actual therapist, but since I do live in the Bible belt, I have no idea where I could find a program to study the field. I would love to, one day, do what Dr Ruth or Sue Johansen do.
I like helping people, I have been told I am good at it, and it is fun, lol. I do feel this is my true calling! So Without further delay, the next entry or two will be questions I have gotten in my TMail. If you have one, please TMail it to me.
Remember, always practice safe sex or no sex.
~Missy
I was looking around on photobucket, looking for new things to put on my MDS page and for things to put here to decorate the page a little more, lol, and found some cool icons, blinkies, pics, etc... Figured I would post them on here so I didn't wind up loosing them, haha...
Nothing new really going on around here. Just hanging out, trying to stay sort of cool, lol. This applies to both me and my best friend, lol /wink for Joey and my bff's husband, lol
Recently, I have had a few conversations with people reguarding why I am so open in this blog. Part of it is the relative anonymity of this sort of forum, it is a place I can write this sort of blog content, and leave it open to the general public, without fear of judgment or repercussions from real life "friends" and "family" about my involvement in an alternate lifestyle. I mean, I could just write these entries in my myspace blog, but I think my family would get a little concerned if they saw all the prefered list blogs this would produce. Plus, the true purpose of this blog would not be seen to fruition if it was done on my myspace blog.
Many submissives traditionally write a journal of some kind that they show their Dominate. In this journal, they can write their fears, hopes, dreams, wants, needs, feelings, longings, etc... It has long been assumed that the journals were a communication tool between the inner workings of the submissive's mind and his or her Dominate's conscious thinking. I have a journal like that, but it is more of a day to day diary, there is really nothing I feel I can't tell my husband about what I want or feel. So, why then the need for a blog like this? Unlike many other Doms, especially those who are in a Master/slave relationship (which I am not part of, I am a submissive with a Dom, not a slave with a Master, there is a big difference, lol) my husband does not feel the need to ask me to do writing "assignments" to be able to know what I am thinking.
I felt I needed a place where I could write how I felt about the submissive side of myself, as well as day to day life, and how they both can fuse and meld into one. If I can help one young adult who is thinking he or she is strange or different because of their feelings about SM to know they are not deranged, then I feel good. When I think back to even 10 years ago when, at 17, I first realized my submissive side, there were no places like T-Blog or any of the other places on the web, where I could go without anyone really finding out, to realize I was not deranged. Maybe if there were, I would not have been with my first "Dom" as long as I was because I would have realized I didn't deserve to be abused just because I was sexually different. If I can prevent one woman from being like I was, then I am happy!
That is why I keep this blog. I feel that I can reach people this way. I keep it to help educate the general public, in a way, about what really goes on in an SM relationship. All a lot of people can see if the physical aspect of it, the pain aspect, the controlling aspect. They don't see that the control is given willingly, and the pain is taken willingly. I enjoy giving up control of myself sexually to my husband. I love doing the little things during the day when He is home to show Him my devotion to Him. And, no He has never asked me to do these things.
I challenge every one of you to look at your relationship. I bet every single one of you can think of an instance where one partner was performing an act of devotion that can be classified as a submissive act. Does that mean you or your partner is a submissive while the other is a Dominant? No, it just means that SM relationships are just like any other, a healthy show of your love and devotion to your partner. I just let go and let Him take charge in matters of the bedroom, lol...
Remember, there is a key tenant of SM relationships that always must be followed, and that is to stay Safe, Sane and Consensual. NEVER engage in SM sex without protection, know your limits and adhear to them, NEVER engage in any kind of SM play when you are intoxicated, notice, SM clubs are almost always dry, and those that are not don't allow any SM play on the property, and NEVER do anything without the other person's permission. Role play non consent and force are fine, real non consent and force are not, and there is a big difference, always remember that.br
Until next time, always stay
*g*
~Missy
OK, I am trying to write a new story, I'm a few pages in and I have writers block, lol... Its a role play story for my husband. The set up is a naughty virgin school girl and her "daddy"... it has been a longggggg time since I have been anything close to a virgin, lol, and I am blocked as to the next step, lol... it is also in a new format, so playing with that while trying to remember some of the embarrassment and shyness of being a virgin, lol... man....
OK, as you all know, I am a gamer, 100% RPG gamer... well, we have been wanting a PS3, but, now that we are more mature, we refuse to spend what equates to more then a full car payment for a gaming console.... The PS3 is failing, big time... Sony's top market, Japan, did not go for the new PS3. If the system failed there, which it did, Sony would be forced to re-think the PS3. That is not being a japanophile, it is just how the video game world works some times.... Well, the PS3 is NOT backwards compatible, which is a big draw back, many people got teh PS2 when it first came out because you could still play your PS1 or PSX games on it. People are drawn to the Wii because you can play your Game Cube games on it as well as download your favorite Nintendo games, XBox 360 wiull play your regular XBox games.... Personally, if I was going to pay the introductory price of $599 for entertainment, I would have gotten a lap top or an HD TV. Even the $399 for a 40gig hard drive PS3 or the $499 for the 80gig is too much still... Hell, I have a 40gig hard drive installed in my PS2 (granted, most do not have this, it came with Final Fantasy XI because that needs the hard drive for game files)... My personal opinion of what I see for Sony's future? After the rerlease of the final exclusive PS3 game later this year, Final Fantasy XIII (the same series that many attribute to the success of the PS1 and PS2, since FFVII coincided with the sudden burst of popularity of ther PS1) if sales don't pick up with the release of 13, I, personally, think Sony would be smart to think about releasing a hard drive for the PS2, going back to the original PS2 model (the hard drive does not fit in the slim line one) and releasing the PS2 with the network adapter. They bit off more then they can chew with the PS3, I personally feel.
In the midst of our struggles with infertility, I see stories like this :
"Texas Teen Charged In Baby's School Bathroom Death
By ANA LEY, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 7 minutes ago
BAYTOWN, Texas - A 14-year-old girl who secretly gave birth in a school bathroom was charged with capital murder Thursday by police, who said she killed the newborn by choking and flushing him in the toilet.
The girl was charged as a juvenile; Baytown police Capt. Roger Clifford said prosecutors will decide whether to certify her as an adult. She cannot be executed if convicted because of her age.
The girl gave birth April 2 in a bathroom at Cedar Bayou Junior High. Police said she stuffed toilet paper in the infant's throat and submerged him in a toilet. An autopsy confirmed the baby was alive and cried before his mother tried to flush him, police Lt. Eric Freed said.
"We have had enough evidence to determine that this action was done intentionally and knowingly," Clifford said. "That means beyond a reasonable doubt in our mind and in mind of the district attorney's office and in mind of the medical examiner's office, that this was not an accident."
The girl's attorney, Gerald Yoakum, said the teen didn't realize she was giving birth. She was 35-36 weeks pregnant.
School officials in this city 26 miles east of Houston learned of her pregnancy when another student who was in the restroom while the eighth-grader was in labor went to ask the school nurse for help.
The nurse and an assistant principal ran to the bathroom, discovered the girl had given birth and called 911.
The Goose Creek school district said it was also investigating what school rules the girl might have broken.
"It's a very sad situation," district spokeswoman Kathy Clausen said. "We're all very concerned and very upset about it."
The infant boy died just three days after another 14-year-old girl delivered a stillborn fetus in the bathroom of an airplane on her way back to Houston from a middle-school field trip."
Gee, I wonder why this would upset me. My husband and I have had to bury two of our own children, and then these children here are having babies and killing them? These irresponsible children are having sex at 14, getting pregnant, and then killing their own children in school bathrooms, yet my husband and I who can provide a loving, stable home for a child can't seem to get pregnant with a successful outcome again?
And people tell me, oh you should be thankful for the son you have, he is a blessing. Yes, we know this, and yes, we are thankful for him and know how much of a miricle he really is. But, is it so wrong for us to want another child? Is it so wrong for us to want to give him a brother or sister? I really don't think so.
Seeing articles like this really gets me agrivated. This little girl would probably not have had sex and gotten pregnant in the first place if her parents were involved in her life, if they took the time to talk to her, instead of thinking the television would teach her. This little girl should still be watching SpongeBob and ICarley, not getting pregnant.
It just really gets to me that this happens still, and then I am considered selfish to want another child??? Ok, this girl got pregnant, why couldn't she just own up and put the child up for adoption? Even if she did not know she was pregnant to begin with, if the school officials were notified while she was in labor, why weren't they there by the time the child was born?
Although I do not agree with it, in this day and age, when teen celebrities are getting pregnant (ashlee simpson and jamie lynn spears) then, all girls should be informed of the safe haven policy that was put into place to save the lives of these babies, that the baby can be dropped off at a hospital, police station, or fire station, with no questions asked, and put up for adoption. We should also NOT be treating these children like heros just because they are having these babies. These celebrity teen moms have one thing the average teen mother does not have, money. They have the money to hire people to raise their children so they can continue to be kids themselves. That isn't right either, but, I guess, at least these babies will be raised by an adult.
Sorry, this was my little rant for the day.
~Missy
OK, are you ready to hear the latest policy that Joey's fleet manager has seemed to pull out of her ass? One that has supposedly always been in effect, yet, not even any of the trainers or orientation people have ever heard of it or told anyone of it? This is funny. Yall need to tell me if any other company has this policy. It makes absolutely no sense. Joey said when he asked the Maverick recruiter about it, he laughed.....
Despite what the load allows, the drivers can NOT take more then a 10 hour break! Meaning they will be sitting on the yard of the consignee for hours at times, with nothing to do, because they will have to start their 14 hour clock at exactly 10 hours after they stopped! And, needless to say, no deten pay either, since they will be there early. This seems kind of silly to me, don't you think? And, why is he only hearing about it after almost 6 months?
At first Joey thought it would have to do with the fuel they use while they sleep, but according to his QualCom his engine is only on for 15 minutes all night.....
July 24th can not come soon enough, lol... He told the Maverick recruiter not to call USA yet because as soon as they realize you are seriously looking else where and putting in applications, they will fire you, another policy that would not be needed if they actually treated their drivers right and actually paid a decent competetive wage.
And, I know, I am the first one to warn someone that their boss can see any blogs about them bitching about work. But, guess what, she can't say shit to me, because she has no business looking at my page, so blech....
Well, off to start the dreaded housework, lol...
~Missy
Okay, if this is the way the mothers of my child's peers write, then I am scared for his generation. A few examples:
"Wot" instead of "what"
"hes" instead of "his"
"Sense" instead of "since"
"are" instead of "our"
"Pleaze" instead of "Please"
"Hes rekon hes penis shrink sinz de baby" (anyone care to try to translate that? lol, the best I could gather is "He thinks his penis has shrunk since we had the baby.")
"their" instead of "there"
"kno" instead of know
Those are only a few examples from a post on a debate group's message board. The thread was titled "IMPORTANT DEBATE" and it is about the size of a male's penis and if the size matters or not. Can they find nothing else to debate? lol
There was a discussion on a forum yesterday that got me thinking. The poster had recently lost her Dominant when he was killed in a fatal car accident. The suddenness of his death left her unprepared to deal with many things that would have to do with his passing. The post on the forum, though, was more along the lines of what to do with anything that relates tot he lifestyle, after everything else is taken care of. She was wondering who should remove her collar, when, if it was a betrayal to her Dom to remove it and move on, if he would want her to move on, what to do with things like his MDS account (she did not have the password), or "kinky email" accounts, books, pictures, journals, toys, videos, letters, and other things of that nature. Things that she alone would need to deal with. A lot of advice was given to her, some of it good, some of it trying to be compassionate, some trying to "one size fits all" the situation. When, in truth, this is a very personal situation and a very delicate thing to try to dispense advice about.
This got me thinking, though. Master's job can be quite dangerous. He is, most days, at the mercy of other drivers who may not know how to drive around a vehicle like His. What would I do if, years from now, I were to loose Him for some reason? No one wants to think about this kind of thing, but I was. Thanks MDS.
I want to forgo wedding bands, but my fiance says she wants them. Is this a girl thing? Or do the wedding bands actually symbolize something?
?
What does the placing of a collar on a submissive mean? Can the collar be replaced by anything else?
What does my boyfriend mean by "Cock Worship"?
My boyfriend is very shy about having sex. He thinks he has a small penis. He is African American, 5'8" tall, and his penis is only 6 1/2 inches at full erection. Is he right that he is small?
This is quite embarrassing, my husband has told me that I don't give very good blow jobs. Are there any tips you can offer?
My Husband and I are active in a D/s relationship and have only been living this lifestyle for about a year. Our 7-year-old is starting to notice that things are different in out home then in his friends' homes. How can/should this be handled? My Husband thinks we should ignore it and I think He needs to talk to our son, both as his father and as my Dom.
What does "Vanilla" mean? 
I feel very at odds. I was raised in a very conservative town in a very conservative family. I am in a very loving and happy relationship and we enjoy BDSM style sex. My boyfriend and I like it, but feel wrong and bad for feeling that we are hiding something from our families when we are not open and honest about what is quickly becoming a large part of our private lives. We feel that we should not hide this facet of ourselves from our families, but we also feel they would reject us, disown us, and even try to tell me he is abusive because I like him to tie me up and paddle me. Help! 
My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot lately. We have been together for almost a year and I want to meet her family, but she won't introduce me to them becasue they do not know she is a lesbian. How do I tell her to choose between telling them about us and not being together? Is that fair of me to ask her to do? 
.
it will be time to dip into the 
and see what we get. 
This applies to both me and my best friend, lol /wink 
for Joey and my bff's husband, lol