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| The Grave is no Bar to my Call |
| 09.19.07 (12:56 pm) [edit] |
This is going to be a very sad spoiler for anyone who reads the Wheel Of Time book series by Robert Jordan. Many of his fans have been anxiously awaiting the release of his 12th book in the Wheel Of Time series. Unfortunately, the series will be ending when the next book is released. Robert Jordan passed away on Sunday from a rare blood disease he had been fighting bravely for years. His fight had caused the delay of several of his books, and it is now forcing the end to not only a wonderful serise, but also a wonderful person! He has stated in his blog many times that he knew the worst could happen, so he had very detailed notes about where things should be headed in the series. He also had the ending written and was working to fill in the rest in the last book when he passed. It is assumed his wife, who is an editor at Tor, will complete the writing. His funeral was this morning. He died with his close family by his side, the last things he heard as he left this world were all positive. His wife reminded him of how proud she was of him that his work had touched so many lives. His last words were that he loved his wife. You can read about the details on his blog (if you can access it, the volume of traffic in the last few days has caused the servers to crash) or on Terry Goodkind's site (www.terrygoodkind.com) in the forums, under general news, is a thread about this sad passing of a great story teller. RIP RJ You will be missed. "May you shelter in the palm of the Creator's hand, and may the last embrace of the mother welcome you home." "The grave is no bar to my call." Inscription on the Horn of Valere (The Great Hunt) |
| 0 Comments |
| Is MLB kidding me? |
| 09.13.07 (8:13 am) [edit] |
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I just saw this on Yahoo this morning... Baseball and union discuss adding fertility drugs to banned list September 11, 2007 NEW YORK (AP) -- Baseball management and players are considering adding fertility drugs such as Clomid and Nolvadex their banned list. The drugs can be used to stimulate testosterone production after steroid use. Clomid usually is used as a female fertility medication and Nolvadex is a breast cancer treatment. The players' association confirmed the possibility of banning the fertility drugs, which was first reported Tuesday by the Daily News, but said talks are ongoing. So, if you take that at face value, then it would only be easy to assume that male fertility drugs will be banned also, they are just naming Clomid and Nolvadex because they are well known. In this day and age, it is still considered basically social suicide for a male to admit publically that he has infertility problems that stem from him (especially if you are a big athlete). So, MLB is going to force a player who may be experiencing infertility having to deal with himself to announce it to the world when he pops positive for one of the "banned" drugs? Forcing him to come out and bring infertility into daylight again? If you are going to come out and speak about it publically, it needs to be your decision to do so, not something forced. Or is the player going to have to bring a note from his urulogist saying "Hey he is on this medication to increase his sperm's viability, so he might pop positive on a drug test." Thats crazy, lol.... |
| 3 Comments |
| Songs that have helped me get through everything... VERY opposite songs, lol |
| 09.13.07 (7:29 am) [edit] |
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It seems weird, but through everythign we have been through, some songs that were VERY opposite of one another helped me get through it all. I have always been one to turn to music when I needed or wanted to express something I was not sure how to put into words. I was going to share all the lyrics with eveyrone, but then this entry would be very long, lol, so I am just going to share the titles, lol If We Hold On Together (Theme From Land Before Time) by Dianna Ross Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton Looks Like We Made It and Copacabanna (At The Copa) both by Barry Manillow (Copa reminds me of happier, easier times when we were kids growing up listening to Mom's Barry music, lol) Streets Of Heaven by Sherrie Austin Same Direction by Hoobastank Dear God by XTC When The Children Cry by White Lion Told ya they were very differnt songs, lol |
| 1 Comments |
| Whats For Dinner Issue 2... Low Carb Pasta |
| 09.13.07 (7:11 am) [edit] |
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OK, time to get creative here, lol... I was born and raised on pasta, we had it twice a week growing up, at least. So, cutting pasta completely out of my diet is impossible for me, lol. So, this week's WFD is Pasta. Get as creative as you can, or just post an old stand by fave. The love affair I have with pasta is the reason I can never do Atkins full on, lol. OK, here is mine, I came up with it one day when diffe4rent kinds of squash were on sale..... Summer Squash Ratatooie Spaghetti Olive Oil cooking spray 1 small to medium Yellow Summer Squash, sliced in rounds 1 small to medium Zucchini Squash, cut in 1/4ths lengthwise and sliced into triangles 1 Pint Grape Tomatoes, cut in half 2 Green Onions, sliced 1 tsp minced Garlic, to taste 1/2 pound Whole Weat Psata (cut of your choice, I like spaghetti or Angel Hair for this) cooked according to package 1/2 small jar Fat Free Ragu Red Pasta Sauce, any variety except Pizza Sauce While pasta is cooking, spray medium skillet with cooking spray and add garlic, cook until soft over Med heat. Add Squash and zucchini and sautea until tender. Add Tomatoes and green onions, cook until tomatoes are just starting to loose their skin. Add tomatoe sauce and bring to a simmer. Remove from heat and toss with cooked pasta. Your Turn!! |
| 0 Comments |
| I guess you never really know.... |
| 09.10.07 (9:17 am) [edit] |
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I have realized something... You never really know how many people struggle with infertility until you go through it. Did you know that as many as 6 million women in this country are struggling with infertility? Or that at least 1 million more women of childbearing age, who are trying to start a family, do not know yet that they have infertility problems? Did you also know that 85% of insurance companies will not pay for ANY high tech treatments (IVF, IUF, TESE, Ovum Donation, etc) yet, they will pay for Viagra? Of the 15% who will pay for some kind of treatment, 50% will only pay for one round of IVF or IUF, and 25% will only pay for three rounds? Can you imagine how hard it must be for a doctor to tell a couple who has experienced so much loss and heart ache that their only remaining option is a treatment that their insurance will not cover and which will cost them 10's of thousands of dollars by the time all is said and done? Yet, if they were to want it, the health insurance company will pay for Viagra for him or a tummy tuck or boob job for her. Lets take a look at some of the famous people who have struggled with infertility and infant loss. This is only a small list since some celebrities, understandably, do not go public with their struggle because it is so private. JFK and Jackie: Jackie struggled with infertility and experienced infant loss. Months before JFK was killed in Dallas, they went through the traumatic loss of Patrick, their infant son. They also had trouble concieving, which made the loss of Patrick even greater. Some say the stress of their difficulties is what made JFK turn to affairs with other women. It is also rumored that JFK Jr's wife had PCOS and that the stress from the infertility that PCOS can cause was a rift in their marriage. But, that is not confirmed. Laura Bush: Not alot is known about their actual struggle, just some mentions of it in a biography about the Bush family. They did struggle with it, and when the twins were born, Laura almost died giving birth. Courtney Cox: She is very open about the factt hat she and her husband used IVF to get pregnant with Coco. She has joked about being able to get pregnant but not stay pregnant. She is also on record as saying that the hardest episode of Friends to shoot was when Rachael found out she was pregnant because two days before she had another miscassiage. This is believed to be why they wrote the fertility issues into her character on the show. Brooke Sheilds: Very open about both the use of IVF and post partum depression. One of women's best advocates for improved women's health care. Her book "Down Comes The Rain" is one of the nations leading books about a real woman and her real struggle with PPD after fertility treatments. The crontroversy between her and Tom Cruise about her open-ness over her use of medications to treat her PPD has drawn attention to the struggle.(Went on to concieve her second child naturally) Julia Roberts: Although she denies the use of IVF to concieve her twins, she announced their gender at 9 weeks into the pregnancy and was seen at an infertility clinic. (It is unknown if her current pregnancy was a natural conception or not) Angela Bassett: Used a surrogate. Egg donation was rumored, but the twins are biologically the children of both her and her husband, meaning the surrogate underwent IVF and was implanted with their embryo. 2 out of 3 Dixie Chicks (Marty and Emily): Both have been open about their use of IVF to concieve their sets of fraternal twins as well as Emily's first child. The fact that they are sisters sugests that the reason for their infertility is genetic. Hugh Jackman: He and his wife tried multiple times to have a baby before adopting. Celine Dion: Say what you might about her, but she underwent several infertility treatments before having her son. She and her husband also still have a frozen, viable embryo they have discussed saving for later implantation. Cindy Margolis: Suffered from infertility that was unexplained. She tried IVF several times and it failed. She used the GIFT proceedure to get pregnant with her son and a surrogate for her twins. Jamie Lee Curtis: Adopted after struggling to concieve. Very big advocate for the mental health of adopted children and both their adoptive and birth families. Victoria Beckham: She has PCOS and is an inspiration to other women with the illness because she has been able to go on and concieve three healthy boys naturally despite her illness. More info on celebrities who have openly discussed their struggle with infertility, visit www.nobabyonboard.com |
| 3 Comments |
| Whats For Dinner... Issue 1 |
| 09.09.07 (8:17 am) [edit] |
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OK, one of my fave low carb dinners is a no cook meal. It keeps heat out of the kitchen, which is awesome on those hot southern summers!! Plus with everyone going back to school and back to work and starting after school activities, no cook meals are easy and quick to fix and can usually be fixed for one person at a time if need be. So, this is one of my faves. I got it at a pampered chef party a few years ago, and do not know the info on it as far a numbers, but it is really yummy and has 2 servings of veggies in every one! Enjoy! California Wraps (not sushi) 1 package of six large Mission Wraps (any variety) (I like the sundried tomato and basil ones) 1 16oz block of fat-free plain cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup pinapple preserves (usually found by the ice cream sundea stuff) 4 spring onions, sliced thin 1 package pre-washed baby spinach 1 red bell pepper, sliced thin using a V Slicer or by hand, VERY thin 1 cucumber sliced the same way as the pepper 1 package Deli style Ham, any variety, sliced thin 1 package Deli style Turkey, any variety, sliced thin Cloby Jack cheese, shredded finely. In a medium bowl, mix togetehr the cream cheese, onions, and preserves until combined. Spread aproximately 1/6 of the cream cheese mixture onto one wrap. Cover cream cheese with a layer of spinach, leaving about 1/2 inch at the top of wrap with only the spread. Add a single layer of peppers, leaving the same 1/2 inch blank, same with the cucumber. Add a single layer of ham (usually about 3 or 4 slices, depending on the brand of ham used), then turkey. Cover the meat with shredded cheese. Fold in about 1/2 inch on each side, then roll from bottom towards the empty 1/2 inch at top. This half inch will prevent the filling from spreading up and coming out at the seam. Cut in half diagnially and serve seam side down. Even my picky eater who does not like spinach eats these and can't even tell it is in there! If you have someone who will not eat one of the meats, you can make it with one of them and not the other, just use a double layer of the meat. I use a different variety of wrap for each one. A pesto shell for turkey alone, a plain shell for ham alone, and the tomato/basil for both together. I have not tried this with a different kind of cold-cut, so I do not know what would taste good instead of the turkey and ham. Also, to make this for the non meat eaters, replace the meats with a slice-able veggie of your choice (I have used yellow squash sliced the same as the cucumber and pepper, or a variety of peppers instead of just the red one works well too) |
| 1 Comments |
| Whats For Dinner? |
| 09.09.07 (8:15 am) [edit] |
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OK, I need to gather some new low-carb/no-carb dinner ideas. So, post your fave low-carb/no-carb idea here so we can try it out! Please? lol..... Women with PCOS have an insulin resistance, so we need to try to limit our carbs to good carbs, and not too many of them, especially if we are taking metformin, lol, and since I am a  , I need to start to limit my carbs while still trying to cook a meal my husband will eat, lol. I am going to try to keep my eyes open for an Atkins style cook book, and try some of those recipies, but are there any tried and true low-carb ones you and your family enjoy? Let me know if you have any sugestions...As I continue to build my low-carb personal cookbook, I will post an entry once a week asking What's For Dinner.... If you want to share your fave, then post it there, or just browse through the recipies left by others. I hope to have a weekly "theme" for the WFD posts, I will post my fave int he theme and then everyone else can post their fave as a comment to the blog. Some of mine I have made up on my own or taken an old recipie and altered it so it is low carb, or less carb then before, lol, so I may not know the carb count per serving for some of them. Since I am not counting carbs, I really do not worry about the exact carb content per serving, but if you would like the nutritional info on some of the recipies I post or that are posted by others, then let me know and I will try my best to find it... Have fun and enjoy Whats For Dinner! |
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| Just Pondering..... |
| 09.08.07 (6:59 pm) [edit] |
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Well, my sister-in-law is on a roller derby team in Memphis and it looks kind of interesting, lol, so I did a little research..... Turns out there is a team around here, only requirement is you have to be 21 (check). I was thinking about possibly going out for the team, but I'm not sure.... I have not worn speed skates in about 10 years, at least, lol... plus there is that whole not driving thing that is kind of a hinderance on anything I may want to do, lol, but I am working on that, lol... it would be a way for me to get out and meet people around here, lol, since i know only my sister in law and I really never talk to her.... Maybe I could just do some of the other things around the league, like working the merch booth or something, again, just to get out and meet people... hmmmm... maybe I will email the woman who is in charge of that sort of thing, lol...
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| 2 Comments |
| Who was it?? |
| 09.06.07 (8:22 am) [edit] |
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OK, what male decided that 6 weeks after birth was the right time to subject women to a pap? You know it was a male who made this decision, too. No woman, after giving birth, would decide, "Hey, in 6 weeks, lets do a full yearly exam, even though I just got one at the bgining of the pregnancy." Plus, a male would not even think about the ammount of time a woman bleeds after birth when making the decision. Most women are either still bleeding from the after birth bleeding or they have just started their first cycle post birth. I would like to know the stats on this appointment, how many women have to reschedule it because of the bleeding or how many women just wait to schedule the appointment until they are done bleeding. If bleeding for a month straight is not enough, most women who are not breastfeeding, for whatever reason, will get their frist period soon after the post birth bleeding stops. And, why is it that people who know what I have just gone through complain and bitch when I don't say anything about the fact that they just announced that they are pregnant? I understand you are happy and excited and everything, and yes, I am happy for you, but I have also just gone through a very tough experience and I have not fully explored my feelings about it, or even if I have, I may not be able to express the same joy other friends are expressing for you right now, so why are you getting pissed at me that I am not doing the proverbial dance of joy for you? And, yes, I may be a little bitter that it only took you one month to TTC, yet we were TTC for over two years between JJ and Rebecca, and I went home from the hospital with empty arms. Maybe I am a bigger person then you and I don't want to say anything to you that would turn into a verbal attack on you like you did to me when I came back from everythign we went through (saying it was all my fault we lost Rebecca and saying I was full of shit, etc...). Maybe I do not agree with having children just to show off that you do have them, or to use them to play dress up or as a status symbol, especially when you refuse to marry the father of all of your children, whom you have been with for 10 years, because marriage has too many financial, legal and emotional risks (?? biggest bunch of bull I have EVER heard, lol). Wow! I am more cranky then usual, could this be the first PMS since giving birth??  Or could it just be hormones? And if this bitch gives me one word about the TTC blinkies I will be using when we start to TTC in a few months, I will reach through the computer screen and slap her. Because she knows all and said "Oh you can't TTC after a c-section for 2 years." Ummm BULL, lol... when the doctor gives us the all clear to TTC we will (she said about 4 months post, she wants me to come off the pill and start charting to see exactly how often I ovulate, so 4 months post we will be TTC, but who knows how long it will take us) Oh well, I guess how bitchy I am is a sign I need a cigg, lol...
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| 1 Comments |
| Why is my son.... |
| 09.06.07 (7:50 am) [edit] |
a morning person? LoL... His father and I are not, so why is he?? The little bugger that he is woke up at about 5:30 and said he wanted PBS Kids on and got mad that it was not on yet (like PBS has to listen to one three year old about when to start their morning programing, lol.... So he decided if he couldn't have PBS Kids on, he wanted Nick, specifically SpongeBob, and I know if he sees SpongeBob there is no chance of him getting back to sleep, so I was underhanded and put on Nick West (since Dish has both Nick East and Nick West in their programing list, lol) and convinced him to go back to sleep in my bed for a half hour since Nick at Nite was still on..... so, he now gets up at about 6:30, and I know PBS has something on, so no hiding that network from him, lol, so we turn on Arthur... so We have been awake since 6:30 and  and I am almost out of coffee-mate... augh.... Might have to break into the stash of Gingerbread creamer I have saved from Christmas, lol....
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| 2 Comments |
| Holy Free PaperBacks, Batman! |
| 09.03.07 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
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Yes, you heard that right, FREE paperbacks, lol. I have that link on the side for paperbackswap.com, well, here is how it works. You sign up (using my nick name as the referal, MissyL), and post at least nine books that are in good condition that you have eitehr read or didn't like, or whatever the case may be. Once you post nine books, you will get three free sign-up "credits", you can use these credits to "buy" books from other members. 1 credit = 1 book (for the most part)Once you choose your book, it is sent out to you, and when you get it, just report it to the site that the book has gotten to you and the member who sent it will get credit for mailing, allowing him/her to order a book. When someone orders a book from you, you print out the wrapper, wrap the book, and mail it. So, basically all you pay for a book is media mail postage. When the person you sent it to gets the book and lets the web site know, you get the credit for it and get to order another book. They also have a box-of-books program where you and someone else exchange a number of books without using credits. Plus message boards, chat room, journal, lists to keep track books you want to read, books you have read, books you want to get, etc.... It is a really cool program! A great way to recycle books without throwing them out. If you have any questions, please ask, I will be more then happy to explain anything you don't understand to you. |
| 1 Comments |
| JJ's Story (Finally) |
| 09.03.07 (8:10 am) [edit] |
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OK, as promised, this is JJ's story and intro. After Caitlin passed away, Joey and I did not know what to do or think. We were emotionally numb. The fact that when we got back home, it was December in Alaska, depressing enough on its own at times, then add in everything we had gone through. I decided to go back to work in January as an office assistant for an interrior design place. It didn't work out. I didn't like the enviroment there, they were katty, backstabbing, gossiping people for the most part, and, honestly, if I wanted to be around that for 9 hours a day, I would live on base and stay at home. So, I quit. The, one day I had a doctor's appointment to go back on the pill after having Caitlin and being off it for so long in the late morning and an interview for a different job in the afternoon. The doctor did the usual tests when you go on the pill after being off it for a long time, and asked me to wait for the results before he give me a script for the pill. I did. An hour later, he called me into his office, I figured it was just to let me know that the script was being called in. When I sat down, he asked me if Joey and I were using any kind of "back up" and I told him we were not because my cycles had not gotten back to normal after giving birth and, quite frankley, with everything else we had going on, we really didn't think about it. Then he told me the news, he could not give me the pill, but instead he was putting in a script for prenatals. The way he said it took a minute to register. Then I finally got what he was telling me, I was pregnant! We had not been trying to have another child, especially since we had not completely come to terms with the emotions involved with Caitlin's passing. But, here it was, late-March, and I was pregnant. I decided to tell my husband right away, so I went home instead of to my interview. He was working overnights, so he was sleeping when I went into the apartment. I took advantage of that and took a quick shower before waking him up. I remember, I climbed into bed with him after I got out of the shower and started to cuddle and kiss him. After a little while, we were making love, and in the middle of it, I whispered to him the news. He took it alot differently then I was thinking he would. He was more then happy about it! We sat down and talked later in the day, and I really was thinking he would be upset or angry, or that he would think it was too soon. But he was actually happy! The pregnancy progressed well. Because of Caitlin's heart condition, I was scheduled for a fetal echo, the big ultrasound where they look at the baby's heart real close and even use colors to identify the blood flow and everything! Joey's mom was up to visit, so I scheduled the fetal echo for then. The morning of the echo, I drank my 30 billion gallons of water and we went in for the appointment. The tech asked if we wanted to know the gender while he was getting everything set up. We told him we did, so he looked for that first while we waited for the cardiologist and perionatologist to come in. He was moving the wand around on my tummy and asked "Are you sure you want to know its a boy?" The way he said it was both the most original way I have ever heard of someone being told, but also one of the most corney. It took Joey's mom a minute to realize what the tech ment. When the cardio and perio arrived, they did the exam, showing us the different heart chambers and valves as well as his lungs and all his other organs. Then, the final results of the test, the most wonderful words in the world, "Fully functioning, four chamber heart!" We started making more arrangements for his arrival. We discussed names, cleaned his room, we ordered a crib and changing table and all the otehr baby things we would need. I just knew that after everything we had been through, this child would come home with us and would be perfect. Then, August 7, 2003, 25 weeks pregnant, one of our fears was being realized. I went to the doctor for a regular check up, including a pap since I had not gotten one at the begining of the pregnancy. I almost canceled the appointment, too, I was not feeling well and my legs were cramping really bad. But, I went in anyway. And it is a good thing I did. The woman doing the exam, a very wonderful nurse practitioner, took one look and knew something was odd. "Hmm. You are dialated and your bag is buldging." She left the room to get someone with more experience, knowing she could not handle this on her own. The doctor confirmed what she found and sent me right to labor and delivery. As it turned out, I was in full blown labor, again not feeling it at all (see where that not feeling labor pains thing I mentioned in a previous post can be a bad thing?). They did everything they could to stop my labor. Magnesium Sulfate is a horrible horrible horrible drug, especially when they OD you on it, but it can and did save a life. They transfered me to the civillian hospital. When we got there, the doctors said I would be lucky, with a rescue cerclage (cervical stitch), to make it to 30 weeks, but every additional day I could stay pregnant would help my son. So, we did the cerclage and everything was fine. After the surgery, the doctors were preeching again that I would be lucky to last to 30 weeks. I stayed in the hospital for three weeks, on strict bed rest, only allowed to get out of bed to shower 2 times a week and to use the restroom for five minutes at a time. When I begged to take a shower after a week of not being allowed to, the doctor gave me the "am I the only one who cares about this child" speech. Honestly, I don't see how me smelling and being miserable because I feel nasty because you won't let me get out of bed for even a five minute shower is really helping me. Just being allowed that bit of normalcy, taking a shower, my blood pressure was better, JJ was moving more, I was not feeling muscle aches, everything overall improved! After three weeks in the hospital, with three contractions a day, the doctors were still saying I would be lucky to make it another 2 weeks, to 30 weeks.I spoke to my regular OB on base and he agreed with them, but for different reasons. He believed that, if I stayed in that hospital, on that strict motionless bed rest, the doctors there would attempt to scare me into inducing labor, plus, he thought I would do much better in my own home, in my own bed, in my own enviroment, as long as I went in to see him once a week, and had an NST 2 times a week. I agreed. He argued with teh doctor at teh hospital and convinced them to release me (the doctor at the hospital wanted to put "AMA" on my paperwork, but since I was advised by my actual doctor, he couldn't). Want to guess what happened when I got home? I went from three contractions a day and freaking out about every little thing, being told I would not make it to 30 weeks, to no more then one or two every few days and making arrangements to have the cerclage taken out. The appointment for that was set in L&D for 37 weeks. My son had other plans though. At 35.6 weeks, I started to go into labor. I called my doctor on base and told him that I did not want to go in yet because I knew he would have to transfer me to the civillian hospital and, I can't explain it, maybe it was Caitlin looking down and helping protect her little brother's life, maybe it was mothers intuition, but I knew, I just knew, that if I went to the civillian hospital, something would happen to my son. So, I waited until midnight, until I was 36 weeks exactly. The cerclage was removed as soon as I got to L&D and I popped back to the original 3cm right away plus an additional 2, so I was 5cm, 75% effaced for a normal person, 50% for me (my cervix is naturally only half the length of a regular woman's). They hooked me up to the monitor for a little while to watch the contractions, which were regular and strong. When I got to 9 1/2cm they broke my water and I immedietly was 9cm with only a tiny lip of cervix left that I could push around. So, push I did. In the span of 10 minutes, they broke my water, my son was born and they were stitching me back up! My son, my darling little boy, the clone of my husband. He was 6 pounds even 21 inches long! After a few minutes with him, they took him to get his stats and what not and get him cleaned up and diapered while they stitched me up. I sent my husband to be with our boy while they finished with me. The OB had to basically do reconstructive surgery of my lower parts right there in the labor room because he came out so fast. 30+ stitches. Right below my clitoris down to right above my anus! My entire left labia had to be put back together! I was in major pain, lol. But, the worst part was when they were numbing the area to fix it (notice I did not say I had an IV or an epidoral, I did the birth natural, no pain meds). But, I was finally able to join my husband with our son. We had a name picked out while I was pregnant, but as soon as I saw him for tyhe first time with the lights all the way up and cleaned up, I changed it. I looked at my husaband and said "You have a clone, say hi to Joey Jr." JJ has been perfectly healthy ever since that day. He is a rambunctious 3 year old now, and the joy of every day! He may be cranky and tired sometimes, or a fuss pot other times, or he may just outright misbehave, but he is still our pride and joy, our little blessing, our little miracle. |
| 1 Comments |
| Post C-Section Questions.... |
| 09.02.07 (9:06 am) [edit] |
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OK, I have had two vaginal births, so this whole c-section stuff is all new to me. Am I still supposed to be sore inside from the uterine stitches? The external scar is still kind of sore to the touch, but I think that is more because I have not been given the go ahead to begin working out so I can tone it all up again, so I have the extra skin there flappin over the scar. I am five weeks after birth though and it still hurts. My vaginal rip after having my son wasn't this sore for this long after I had him. Also, Rebecca was not even three pounds, born at 33 weeks, five weeks ago. Is it normal that I still have after birth bleeding? It will stop for a day then come back and be almost as heavy as it was right after birth. It is red then brown then black then back to red again, but, thankfully, no clots. I don't remember bleeding like this after my vaginal births. What is going on here? lol. Maybe it is just the Yaz doing it? But that should have no effect on the lochia, so why am I still bleeding? I have my six week appointment on Friday, so I guess I will just bring it up with the doctor then when she asks why I am refusing the pap, lol... |
| 1 Comments |
| How We Chose Our Children's Names |
| 09.02.07 (8:59 am) [edit] |
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I figured after all the sad posts I have posted today, I would do a happy one... How did we come up with the names of our children? Caitlin Elizabeth.... Joey and I had always loved the name Caitlin. We both wanted a name that sounded classic and not faddish. We didn't want our child to have a name like Apple or Rider or Payton, so we chose a classic name that did not sound bad with our last name, and when her initials are used, they would not spell something horrible (I grew up with the initials M.A.N. and I did not want to do that to my children, lol). And Elizabeth is my mother's middle name. Joey Lyle, Jr.... I am from an Italian family where my mother is named after her father, as is her brother, and my grandfather is named after his father, and my brother is named after my father. So, it was important to me to name our first son after his father. So, we did. Rebecca Elizabeth.... Growing up, I always pictured one of the most beautiful angels to be named Rebecca. So, when we were allowed to hold her, and I saw her face for the first time, I decided she was Rebecca. My husband agreed with me. Elizabeth is Caitlin's middle name, and growing up, all the girls in my family had the same middle name. So, every one of our daughters will have the middle name Elizabeth. So, there you have it, how we named each of our children. None of them had a name until we saw them. JJ went about an hour after birth with no name, until I was able to get up and really see him. |
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| Rebecca Elizabeth, Never given a chance to fight. |
| 09.02.07 (8:46 am) [edit] |
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Rebecca's story will not be as long as Caitlin's. Partly because her story is not as long and partly because the emotions are still so new and I have not had as much of a chance to dwel on them as I did Caitlin's. When we got pregnant, we were so excited. We had waited three years and experienced at least one miscarriage that we knew about between JJ and Rebecca. We took all the precautions we now know we needed to take. We got a fetal echo to check her heart, we had a cerclage put in to keep me pregnant and prev ent early dialation, everything. But, it was not to be. I went into the hospital at 32.6 weeks because I had not felt as much movement as I usually did. Everything appeared fine on the ultrasound, again, she was small. The ultrasound dated me at 27 weeks. The doctor at the hospital tried to convince me that I did not get pregnant until after we SAW her heartbeat on the first ultrasound. But, since I have small babies and I didn't trust ultrasound measurements, I didn't really think anything of the size the ultrasound gave us. We went home and continued on with our day. At 33weeks I had not felt any movement in 24 hours, so we went to a different hospital. They did another ultrasound after they could not find her heartbeat on the monitor. My worst fear, and what I knew in my heart, was realized. Her chest cavity was still. Somewhere within the span of two days, our little girl had died inutero. I was scheduled for a csection the next day. When the section was performed, the doctor said I had almost no fluid in the amniotic sack and it appeared that my blood pressure was too high for her little body to handle. She was born sleeping on July 28, 2007. Only 2 pounds 15 ounces. The thoughts have entered my mind. The ones questioning the existance of a higher power. If there was a God up there, how could he snuff out two innocent lives? How could He take my two little girls from me? How could He rob my husband of the little girl he so desperately wants, twice? How could He rob my son of his sister? How could He cause such innocent lives to be lost for no reason? How many times could He force one mother to leave the hospital with empty arms? How could people who do not want children, who use abortions as a form of birth control, get pregnant so easily? How could people who do nothing but complain about their children and treat them like a burdon be able to have their children home with them and not enjoy them? Am I selfish to ask such questions and feel this way when I have a wonderful, healthy son at home? Am I selfish to want more? Am I opening my heart up to more sadness? Am I opening my family up to more tragedy? These are the questions that I asked myself as we traveled to the grave site to burry another little girl. Yes, JJ does get on my nerves at times, he is a little boy, he is 3, almost 4. It is typical, especially when you are a stay at home mother and your husband works a weird schedule. And I feel bad every time I complain that he is getting on my nerves. But, in the end, I do realize how much of a gift he is and how much his life means. If there is someone up there, who am I to question His plan or His wishes? He must have needed an angel when Caitlin was born, and He chose her, and she must have needed a playmate when Rebecca was born, so He called her back home to be with her sister. I don't know what to think, really, but the thoughts of our daughters playing together somewhere gives me comfort at times, when I am mad at whoever runs the show for taking my children from me. So, those are the stories of our daughters. JJ's will follow in a little bit. |
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| Caitlin Elizabeth, such a hard life for one so small and young. |
| 09.02.07 (8:05 am) [edit] |
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***Kleenex Warning*** Most parents call their children angels at one point or another, but most, fortunately, do not mean literally Angels. Unfortunately, I do. I figured I would tell you about them before the rest of the family because they will be mentioned in the intros for my husband and son, and in some of the writings about my health, both mental and physical. When my husband and I found out we were pregnant shortly after we moved to Alaska in early 2002, we were thrilled. We both always wanted a large family, so the sooner we could start, the better. Little did we know that living the dream of 4 or 5 children would be shattered so quickly. The pregnancy was going great, my health was good, no problems, I was just small, but no one was worried. At that time, the military insurance in Alaska was still in the stone age and did not cover ultrasounds if you were not high risk. Since we did not know about the PCOS at the time, I was not considered high risk. So, we did not even know if we were having a boy or a girl. Everything was going smoothly, I was due in six weeks when I saw it, bloody show. So, at 34 weeks pregnant with my first, my husband and I rush to the hospital, both terrified but confident that everythign will be alright. It was then we found out that I do not feel labor pain until my water breaks, making me a very lucky woman in some aspects and a very unlucky one in others. I had no idea I was in full blown labor, or how long I was in said labor. At the hospital I finally got an ultrasound, but all they were doing was checking the baby's size and lungs. They also told us we were having a girl. They estimated she was about 5 pounds, pretty good for a 34 weeker. Since the hospital did not have a NICU and she was a preemie, they transfered me to the civillian hospital ten minutes away. When we got there, I was given steroid shots to help her lungs a little. I also had two more ultrasounds when I was admitted, both saying she was about 5 pounds and she was fine. (So that is two different hospitals, two different ultrasound machines so far and at least 2 doctors, countless nurses, and two u/s techs). Well, I slept for a little bit and was woken up for yet another ultrasound and the last steroid injection. Again, around 5 pounds and perfectly healthy. Our first child was born September 17, 2002 on a chilly Alaskan morning. After she was rushed into the NICU because she was 34 weeks (my husband didn't get to cut the cord, and neither of us were able to see her before she was wisked away, and I had her vaginally) we began to prepair for the trips back and forth to the hospital every day for the next few weeks until she would be able to go home. We had no idea what was in store for us! For the few days I was in the hospital, Caitlin Elizabeth was perfectly healthy. Or so everyone thought. She had a few chest xrays and ultrasounds of different body parts. Everything was fine. There was one thing that was odd, though, and part of the reason I took so much time to point out exactly how many ultrasounds and how many people viewed them in the hours leading up to Caitlin's delivery. Remember how the doctors all said she was going to be 5 pounds? Well, she was only 2 pounds 13 ounces! How a mistake of that size could be made when all those medical people were around I will never know. But, we set our sights on getting her "fattened up" and sent home. After I was released from teh hospital and we said goodbye to Caitlin for the evening, we went home and were greeted by the blinking light on the answering machine. It was the hospital, Caitlin had seen a cardiologist, as was standard with every preemie, and he wanted to speak to us. It was then that I knew if she was going to come home, Caitlin, Joey and I would be in for one hell of a fight. I don't remember the drive to the hospital. I think Joey was doing 90 down the Glenn Highway in midtown Anchorage, but I don't know, and I don't think any cop who might have pulled us over would have given us a problem. When we got there and spoke to the doctor, I went numb, I don't remember much about the rest of that day. This is another reason I mentioned how many ultrasounds I had in the hours before she was born. Caitlin, our prescious little girl, our tiny baby, had a heart condition that would have killed her if we did not find out about it when we did. She had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, HLHS. In her case, the left side of her heart was there, but only about 1/4 the size of the right side, and the left side of her heart was basically dead. No one questioned such a discrepency in size during the ultrasounds? We went to the hospital every day, willing our little girl to get bigger and stronger so she could have the life saving surgery she so badly needed. When she was a month old, the surgeon told us it was basically now or never. So, we flew to Portland, OR for the surgery. She had the best doctors there for her. The doctor who had a hand in creating the sirgery was her lead surgeon! She was one of the smallest babies in the world this surgery was ever attempted on, she was around 3 1/2 pounds at this time. The smallest to survive the surgery up until that point was 4 pounds. Her chances of making it off the table were not good. But, the decision to have the surgery was easy for us, we had to give her a chance to live instead of taking her home with us and watching her die. As long as there was a 1% chance she could make it through the surgery, we had to do it. During the surgery, everyone in my family who was able to donated blood, same with Joey's. They might not have all been there with us, but they all did what they could do to help. In the middle of the surgery, we got a phone call from Joey's mother, his father was sent home from the hospital because there was nothing more they could do for him. So, we were sitting in Portland, watching our daughter fight for her life, and his father's was ending in Arkansas. He knew it was serious and this was really the end because his mother, who had not been in the same room as his father for 20 years was with Joey's sister in his father's house. Then, we got some good news. Caitlin made it through surgery! Smallest baby in the world to that point to survive the surgery! (Still the smallest in the US, I think) We spent the rest of the day by her side, until the nurses finally kicked us out of the room to go get some sleep. When the phone rang the next morning very early, I was in an instant panic for Caitlin's health. It was Joey's mother telling him his father was gone. When his father's arrangements were made, Joey's family understood that he had to stay with his daughter, his father would have wanted him to. His former step mother, of course, took it as an insult that he wasn't there, but they never got along. Even his half brother, whom he was never close to and really, honestly, doesn't know all too well, respected his decision and understood it, and explained it to Joey's step mother that it is what their father would have wanted Joey to do. While his family was saying goodbye to his father, Joey and I were watching our little girl, a little more then a month old, fighting for her life, fighting to stay with us. We almost lost her more then once. Her chest was left open after the surgery to allow her heart room to swell from the major open heart surgery. The first time they tried to close it, her heart stopped. The doctors were able to revive her. She hung on in this suspended state of life, medically paralyzed so she could heal without scratching at anything, on a resperator, being kept alive by machines and IV's while her heart tried to heal. By the begining of November, I had not held my little girl in a month. My arms ac hed to feel her in them, my heart ached to encircle my little fighting daughter in the safe circle of my hug. I knew her body was growing tired, the fight to live was getting to be too much for her body to continue. I wanted to hold her close and let her know her Mommy was here and everything was ok and Daddy and I understood whatever happened, she tried to stay with us. Finally, on November 12, 2002, I got to hold my little one. The nurses helped me get situated with her on my chest. It was the best 12 hours she had since the surgery, medically speaking. I fully believe that there is a healing power in a mother's arms. Or, maybe the Person upstairs wanted my afternoon holding Caitlin to be uninterrupted, peaceful, and perfect. I asked the nurses if they happened to have Sleeping Beauty on tape, so they played it in her room for me. It just seemed to fit. Joey watched the movie with us. We had that perfect afternoon, or as perfect as it could get, and we enjoyed it. For those 12 hours, our lives were not crumbling, the country was not at war, there was no sniper loose on D.C., everything was perfect with the world. I will always treasure that afternoon. The next morning I realized how much of a gift that day was. We got a call early in the morning that Caitlin was putting out strange heart rythems. So we went to her room. We held her hands while the doctors tried to do CPR, we told her we loved her and that we were proud of the fight she put up, we thanked her for the day before, and we told her it was ok. After an hour or so of CPR, I told the doctor to stop, Caitlin was gone. She passed away on November 13, 2002, not even two months after she entered the world, she left it. She will alwyas be our angel, our guardian, our strength. When the struggle with day to day things seems to be too tough for us to overcome, all we have to do is remember everything Caitlin overcame to stay with us as long as she did. She was holding on to life to give us that one last day as a family, that one last time to be in her Mother's arms, to give both of us that time together we needed, that we wanted so desperately. She will always be a part of our lives, we remember her all the time, and we celebrate both her Earth birthday and her Angel birthday. I was going to write about both of our Angels in one post, but this got too long and too emotional for me to write about both of them in one entry. I am going to take a break, smoke a ciggerette, and let the fur babies out, and then post about our second Angel. |
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| All About Me |
| 09.01.07 (10:44 am) [edit] |
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Well, in introducing my family, what better place to start then with myself? I am Melissa, although I go by many different names, and will use them at different times in posting here. I am a stay at home mother for right now. My mother instilled in all of her daughters that, if it is financially possible, it is important to stay home and raise your childrenuntil they are old enough to be in school full time. My husband, Joey, agrees with this, so he supports me staying home with Joey Jr (JJ) as long as we can afford for me to. Right now, I am "home schooling" JJ for pre-k. More on that in his intro and in further posts about his schooling. I have PCOS, a common disorder that affects 1 out of 15 women world wide and is one of the leading causes of infertility problems with women. I have several of the side effects of the illness, which I will go into at length at another time, as well as the current treatment routine I am following. To top off the difficulties we have getting pregnant, I also have very difficult, high risk pregnancies. I will explain that all as the time comes, though. I LOVE to read. I found that I was spending entirely too much on books at one point, so I am a member of Paperbackswap.com, a web site where you swap books with other members. All you pay for a book is postage when you send one, and when the member recieves the book that you send them, you get a credit to use to order a book for yourself! It is really a money saver, instead of paying $6 for a novel or $12 or more for other books, you really only pay $2.30ish! If anyone out there is interested and wants more info or wants to join PBS, please let me know. I will occasionally post book reviews when I read something other then a romance novel, lol. I am a gamer at heart. My husband and I will spend countless hours at a time playing an online role playing game together. Some people go to the movies once a week/month, we play the game, lol. That is about all for now about me, I will post more backround as I post about specific things that are going on. |
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